You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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