they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
