We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Vodka?
Forever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
