You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize