Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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