She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize