Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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