So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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