Nicole vs. Life
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
