I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
