A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
