turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
