the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
