Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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