if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
