Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
