he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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