Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
