So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
