Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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