i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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