i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
