that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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