Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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