Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
