OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
