so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
