She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
