Your dad touched me again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
