just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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