the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
