Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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