There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
