Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
