Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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