I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
