Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize