I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
