She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
