I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
