i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
