I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
