so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
