Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
