I must be too annoying 4 u.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
