this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
