So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
