My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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