farters have to be the big spoon...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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