I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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