somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
