Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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