I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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