I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
