anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
