Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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