my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
