You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
