M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm getting married
To pizza
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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