Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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