Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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