Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
