I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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